Growing Zen

This is from Sylvia Boorstein's Pay Attention, for Goodness' Sake. She recounts a conversation she had with a Muslim cab driver about prayer. This bit picks up after she asked him who often and for how long he prayed:

"Well, it could take a long time or short. If you have a short time, you can do it in a short time. Probably longer is better... You know,m it really doesn't matter how long you pray. Some people stand and pray all day but it doesn't really count because it's not connected to their heart."

"Really? How do you connect it to your heart?"

"Well, you can't just decide. It gets connected to your heart when you know what the situation here is. It's like we've all been thrown in the middle of the ocean. Nobody knows how to swim. We're all drowning. It breaks your heart. You see that, then you connect."

That is what I'd get tattooed, on the inside of my left wrist, above my mala bracelet. A permanent reminder of the following, inspired by the section on the paramita (perfection of the heart) lovingkindness, from Sylvia Boorstein's Pay Attention, For Goodness' Sake:

1. Always tell good stories about people to other people. Provide everyone with as much opportunity for love and harmony as possible by providing a good ground for people to love and be loved.

2. Always tell good stories about people to yourself. Ruminating on old wounds or insults causes the hurt to rot. We're all just trying to do the best we can, and we all mess up. Be forgiving of others, and be kind to yourself in letting the hurt go. Holding onto hurt is not a strength, it is a self-inflicted and chronic weakness. Forgiveness and love are the only things that can make you whole again.

3. Always tell good stories about yourself to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grow. Be gently mindful of who you are and what you do. Be forgiving and supportive of yourself when you need to make adjustments. Recognize and nurture the good in you and what you do.


It is this way that we must train ourselves:
by liberation of the self through love
we will develop love,
we will practice it,
we will make it both a way and a basis,
take a stand upon it,
store it up,
and thoroughly set it going.

-The Buddha

If you, in reading this, feel it is too "hippie-dippie" for your sensibilities, that's fine. But at least seriously stop and think how different the world would be if people actually were at peace and loved each other. If there were more unity and less judging, fighting, and isolation.

I feel, in a very personal and urgent and growing way, that there is a great need for love and unity everywhere: in my own life, how I handle interactions with myself and others; in interactions between people; between governments and their people, as well as between the people in government, and between those who support different movements or ideas in government; between nations; between different faiths and religious traditions, as well as between people in the same faith or religion; between different nationalities, ethnicities, social classes, sexual orientations; between people with different ideologies, aspirations, and goals... Everywhere.

How Lovingkindness Works to Re-wire Your Brain
I've been incorporating lovingkindness in my daily meditation. The idea is that you start by offering lovingkindness to yourself and wishing yourself well, then you offer lovingkindness to others and wish them well, then you offer lovingkindness to all beings and wish them well. It's really quite beautiful: if you wish to see more peace and love in the world, you have to become peace and love yourself. Then already the world has more peace and love. (For more thorough and eloquent treatment, check out Thich Nhat Hanh's Being Peace.) Then you spread the love and peace to others through cultivating lovingkindness in meditation, which increases the capacity in that part of your brain so that you actually re-wire your brain so that you see and act more in accordance with the good intentions, thoughts, and feelings you meditate on. Your interactions with and intentions towards others change. (Do a bit of Googling on how meditation can re-wire your brain; it's scientifically sound. And amazing. Basically, where you focus the most, your brain grows. So, if you focus on angry stuff, the amygdala, the anger center of your brain, will actually grow, making anger more prevalent in your life. So, really, your thoughts do end up controlling your destiny. Thanks, Lao Tzu and/or Ghandi.)

The Meditation
So, I've been doing lovingkindness meditation, again, where you start with yourself, move to others, and move to all beings. My current mantra has been roughly this, varying a bit based on what I'd like to focus on that day:

May I be happy.
May I be safe and protected.
May I be at peace.
May I be free from suffering.*
May I be loved and be love.*

May you be happy.
May you be safe and protected.
May you be at peace.
May you be free from suffering.
May you be loved and be love.

May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe and protected.
May all beings be at peace.
May all beings be free from suffering.
May all beings be loved and be love.

*suffering: I use it in the sense of any kind of stress or pain, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc.
*be loved and be love: Everyone has the right to be loved. I like the poetic twist of being both the receptacle and the sender of love. If everyone were loved and love, the world would be ruled by perfect love. God, however you personally see or know God, would be everywhere.

When I really nail it, when I focus on what I'm saying and what it means and the reality that would go with it, it is an incredible spiritual experience. God is there when I'm doing this right.

Applied Action
As I was doing my meditation today, I was focusing my "may you" section on one particular person. It felt so good to focus on their suffering being gone, their happiness full, on them being loved and being love. This person has gone through a lot of pretty terrible things and has suffered a lot. I felt God with me as I wished them happy and well.

But then I thought, "Ok, this is great. I'm developing my brain in positive ways, coming closer to God, and cultivating love and compassion for this person. And then what? I'll end my meditation, get up, think well on this person and wish them well. Cool. But naturally and without question, there also needs to be a concrete course of action on my part to help realize all these things for this person."

So here's what I've come up with so far, what I can do to help make my meditation a reality. It applies to specific people you meditate on, as well as "all beings." So, really, this stuff should be applied to absolutely everyone, although for simplicity's sake, I write from the angle of applying it to one particular person:

-May you be happy: In my interactions with this person, I must make sure to keep their welfare forefront in my mind and say and do things that will uplift and nurture them, so as to provide the positive space for their happiness to develop. I must avoid saying or doing things, to the best of my ability, that would cause them to experience distress or unhappiness.

-May you be safe and protected: I need to make sure this person is safe and protected with me, both in my physical presence as well as in my thoughts and conversation. I must not do or say things that would put them at risk, even something as simple and yet profoundly damaging as speaking poorly of them to myself or to others.

-May you be at peace and May you be free from suffering: Again, I must be mindful in my interactions with and about this person, so that I do not destroy their peace or add to their suffering. I must be mindful so that I am aware of anything I personally can/should do (or should not do) to help secure their peace and lessen their suffering.

-May you be loved and be love: Everyone, regardless of their actions, has the absolute right to be loved. In the general sense, I must not deny or hinder or begrudge any being this right. In particular, I must be aware of and take every opportunity to show and express my love for this person, in thought, word, or deed. I must always remember that this person is and/or can be a powerful force for increasing love in the world, so my love for them is triply precious: 1. My love for them helps me grow; 2. My love for them helps them grow; 3. Their love helps the other beings grow.

Pure Heart and Real Intent
Of course, you can't control how other will react to you or your efforts, even if your intents are of the very best. But you do absolutely have to make sure that what you're doing is the best you can do, with your heart pure and with the right intentions. We are responsible for caring for each other. Being mindful of the Eightfold Path will be invaluable. I'll do a post on it soon, but for now, a bit about Right Speech will work as an example of a good guideline in interacting with and about others, with a view for increasing love and unity in ourselves and in the world:

1. Do I speak at the right time, or not?
2. Do I speak of facts, or not?
3. Do I speak gently or harshly?
4. Do I speak profitable words or not?
5. Do I speak with a kind heart, or inwardly malicious?

Or, THINK:
Is it:
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?

Drawing on religious faith to promote basic human values is something very positive. The major world religions all teach love, compassion, and forgiveness. The way each religious tradition promotes there is different, of course, but since they aim at more or less the same goals--having a happier life, becoming a more compassionate person, and creating a more compassionate world--their different methods do not present an inherent problem. The ultimate achievement of love, compassion, and forgiveness is what is important. All the major world religions have the same potential to help humanity. Some people have a disposition suited to religious faith, and because of the variety of dispositions among humans, it logically follows that we need different religions. The variety is beneficial.
-Tenzig Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 47-48

[A]s there is a difference in the degree of receptivity on the part of individual sentient beings, spiritual growth will also differ from individual to individual. ... [T]here is a diversity of mental dispositions and receptivity, interests, and spiritual inclinations existing among humanity. ... All these various teachings [he's talking about different teachings in Buddhism, I used snippets that will work for different religions in general] are aimed toward sentient beings' diverse mental dispositions, needs, and spiritual inclinations.
...
Therefore, it is crucial that religious teachers teach according to the receptivity, the spiritual inclination, and the mental disposition of each person. One cannot eat a particular food and then say, "Because it is nutritious for me, everyone must eat it"; each person must eat foods that are suitable for the best physical health according to his or her own physical constitution. One must maintain a diet that is most suited to one's individual health because the very purpose of eating food is to seek bodily nourishment. It would be stupid or foolish for someone to insist upon eating a specific dish, when it is not suitable or may be harmful, merely because it is highly prized or the most expensive.

Similarly, religion is like nourishment for your spirit and your mind. When embarking upon a spiritual path, it is important that you engage in a practice that is most suited to your mental development, your dispositions, and your spiritual inclinations. It is crucial that each individual seek a form of spiritual practice and belief that is most effective for that individual's specific needs. Through this, one can bring about inner transformation, the inner tranquility that will make that individual spiritually mature and a warm-hearted, whole, and good and kind person. That is the consideration one must use in seeking spiritual nourishment.
-Tenzig Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus, page 72 and 74.

I love these passages. I've had this conviction since middle school, when I thought about all the many different religions in the world. It's beautiful to see it so wonderfully communicate in someone else's words.

In joining or evaluating your existing membership in your religion, I think the point is to be honest with yourself. You need to be where you feel God. You need to do what brings you closer to God. It's not the label that matters...it's the person you become.

"What is so powerful about this ideal of friendship is the way it can reconcile the absolute and the personal. You can disagree about the choice of carpet color and remain friends. A Buddhist can be friends with a Christian without either trying to convert the other. In friendship differences can be respected and even enjoyed. In relationships lacking friendship, differences can zoom out of proportion and become ethnic, religious, or ideological divisions. We demonize the threatening other, project our shadow upon them, and find conflict. Friendship is the supreme expression of compassion and tolerance with respect for the primacy of truth over all subjective tendencies. But friendship reminds us that the objectivity of truth does not reject the subjective. It integrates the particular and the universal, achieving the coincidentia oppositorum, the reconciliation of opposites. Nicholas of Cusa, a fifteenth-century cardinal, statesman, mathematician, and mystic, said that God is found "beyond the coincidence of contradictories."

There is a simple test to determine whether one's pursuit of truth has lost contact with this touchstone of friendship. When we hear on the news that a Catholic person has been shot in Belfast, or an Israeli soldier has died on the West Bank, or so many Chinese baby girls have disappeared from an orphanage, or so many Tibetans have been killed--are we hearing a news item about individual people, or about ehtnic or religious groups? Do we perceive the murdered Israeli soldier or Palestinian demonstrator as a Jew or an Arab, or as a human being who happens to be a Jew or an Arab? How do the figures strike us--as individual tragedies or as statistics that are being used as political weapons?"

-page 9 of the introduction to The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus, by The Dalai Lama

"The time has come to put more emphasis on unity. Here again there must be human affection and patient analysis grounded in compassion.
For example, you may have a different ideological or religious opinion from someone else. If you respect the other person's rights and sincerely show a compassionate attitude toward that person, then it does not matter whether their idea is suitable for you; that is secondary. As long as the other person believes in it and derives some benefits from such a viewpoint, it is his or her absolute right. So we must respect that and accept the fact that different viewpoints exist" (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 42-43).

"One of the best human qualities is our intelligence, which enables us to judge what is wholesome and what is unwholesome, what is beneficial and what is harmful. Negative thoughts, such as anger and strong attachment, destroy this special human quality; this is indeed very sad. When anger or attachment dominates the mind, a person becomes almost crazed, and I am certain that nobody wishes to be crazy. Under the power of anger or attachment we commit all kinds of harmful acts--often having far-reaching and destructive consequences. A person gripped by such states of mind and emotion is like a blind person, who cannot see where he is going. Yet we neglect to challenge these negative thoughts and emotions that lead us nearly to insanity. On the contrary, we often nurture and reinforce them! By doing this we are, in fact, making ourselves prey to their destructive power. When you reflect along these lines, you will realize that our true enemy is not outside ourselves" (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 42-43).