Growing Zen

I love my yoga class. This morning, in the first twenty minutes, I was feeling so euphoric. I was thinking to myself (and I know this sounds flaky or whatevs, but I mean it sincerely), "Yoga is the most loving, nurturing thing I do for my body. And mind. Oh, and meditation, too. It's sooooo good for my mind, heart, and body. I feel so nourished and connected. I love it."

Then I was trying to figure out why it feels so good, and I think I discovered at least one very good reason: Both yoga and meditation are based in being mindful and present. Mindfulness--being present and aware--is the ground in which love itself, in all of its manifestations, grows. When you're present, aware, and paying attention moment by moment, you grow in understanding, appreciation, compassion, patience, tenderness, harmony, kindness, and (to risk sounding trite) expansive, soul-deep love.

This kind of love can grow for anyone or anything that you specifically set your mind to be present for: yourself, your body, your emotions; whatever cause or undertaking you're involved in or passionate about; and, of course, other people. It is absolutely fulfilling, connecting, and unifying. It makes things whole.

Seriously--and I'm going to use an example with loving another person, but this idea applies equally to loving yourself and what you do--compare the following: watching TV while half-heartedly listening to your significant other in the next room, as opposed to being close to them, looking at them, touching them, being there and processing what they're saying, absorbing every aspect of the moment with that person...really being present. Even beyond the kind of department store packaged/chick flick/look-deep-into-my-eyes idea of romantic love, being mindful is a selfless, deep, fundamental connection. It is what nourishes and sustains life. Again, this is not limited to a romantic partner. All living beings, ourselves included, need our love and connection.

Being mindful with yourself, your activities, and other people is literally gifting yourself to those things. That's pretty amazing. And it is through this expansive love, this mindfulness, that we are transformed and develop the capacity to be transforming influences in the world.

Because that is how love grows: by loving.

And as we all know, "what the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the one thing that there's just too little of." :)

That is what I'd get tattooed, on the inside of my left wrist, above my mala bracelet. A permanent reminder of the following, inspired by the section on the paramita (perfection of the heart) lovingkindness, from Sylvia Boorstein's Pay Attention, For Goodness' Sake:

1. Always tell good stories about people to other people. Provide everyone with as much opportunity for love and harmony as possible by providing a good ground for people to love and be loved.

2. Always tell good stories about people to yourself. Ruminating on old wounds or insults causes the hurt to rot. We're all just trying to do the best we can, and we all mess up. Be forgiving of others, and be kind to yourself in letting the hurt go. Holding onto hurt is not a strength, it is a self-inflicted and chronic weakness. Forgiveness and love are the only things that can make you whole again.

3. Always tell good stories about yourself to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grow. Be gently mindful of who you are and what you do. Be forgiving and supportive of yourself when you need to make adjustments. Recognize and nurture the good in you and what you do.


It is this way that we must train ourselves:
by liberation of the self through love
we will develop love,
we will practice it,
we will make it both a way and a basis,
take a stand upon it,
store it up,
and thoroughly set it going.

-The Buddha

If you, in reading this, feel it is too "hippie-dippie" for your sensibilities, that's fine. But at least seriously stop and think how different the world would be if people actually were at peace and loved each other. If there were more unity and less judging, fighting, and isolation.

I feel, in a very personal and urgent and growing way, that there is a great need for love and unity everywhere: in my own life, how I handle interactions with myself and others; in interactions between people; between governments and their people, as well as between the people in government, and between those who support different movements or ideas in government; between nations; between different faiths and religious traditions, as well as between people in the same faith or religion; between different nationalities, ethnicities, social classes, sexual orientations; between people with different ideologies, aspirations, and goals... Everywhere.

How Lovingkindness Works to Re-wire Your Brain
I've been incorporating lovingkindness in my daily meditation. The idea is that you start by offering lovingkindness to yourself and wishing yourself well, then you offer lovingkindness to others and wish them well, then you offer lovingkindness to all beings and wish them well. It's really quite beautiful: if you wish to see more peace and love in the world, you have to become peace and love yourself. Then already the world has more peace and love. (For more thorough and eloquent treatment, check out Thich Nhat Hanh's Being Peace.) Then you spread the love and peace to others through cultivating lovingkindness in meditation, which increases the capacity in that part of your brain so that you actually re-wire your brain so that you see and act more in accordance with the good intentions, thoughts, and feelings you meditate on. Your interactions with and intentions towards others change. (Do a bit of Googling on how meditation can re-wire your brain; it's scientifically sound. And amazing. Basically, where you focus the most, your brain grows. So, if you focus on angry stuff, the amygdala, the anger center of your brain, will actually grow, making anger more prevalent in your life. So, really, your thoughts do end up controlling your destiny. Thanks, Lao Tzu and/or Ghandi.)

The Meditation
So, I've been doing lovingkindness meditation, again, where you start with yourself, move to others, and move to all beings. My current mantra has been roughly this, varying a bit based on what I'd like to focus on that day:

May I be happy.
May I be safe and protected.
May I be at peace.
May I be free from suffering.*
May I be loved and be love.*

May you be happy.
May you be safe and protected.
May you be at peace.
May you be free from suffering.
May you be loved and be love.

May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe and protected.
May all beings be at peace.
May all beings be free from suffering.
May all beings be loved and be love.

*suffering: I use it in the sense of any kind of stress or pain, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc.
*be loved and be love: Everyone has the right to be loved. I like the poetic twist of being both the receptacle and the sender of love. If everyone were loved and love, the world would be ruled by perfect love. God, however you personally see or know God, would be everywhere.

When I really nail it, when I focus on what I'm saying and what it means and the reality that would go with it, it is an incredible spiritual experience. God is there when I'm doing this right.

Applied Action
As I was doing my meditation today, I was focusing my "may you" section on one particular person. It felt so good to focus on their suffering being gone, their happiness full, on them being loved and being love. This person has gone through a lot of pretty terrible things and has suffered a lot. I felt God with me as I wished them happy and well.

But then I thought, "Ok, this is great. I'm developing my brain in positive ways, coming closer to God, and cultivating love and compassion for this person. And then what? I'll end my meditation, get up, think well on this person and wish them well. Cool. But naturally and without question, there also needs to be a concrete course of action on my part to help realize all these things for this person."

So here's what I've come up with so far, what I can do to help make my meditation a reality. It applies to specific people you meditate on, as well as "all beings." So, really, this stuff should be applied to absolutely everyone, although for simplicity's sake, I write from the angle of applying it to one particular person:

-May you be happy: In my interactions with this person, I must make sure to keep their welfare forefront in my mind and say and do things that will uplift and nurture them, so as to provide the positive space for their happiness to develop. I must avoid saying or doing things, to the best of my ability, that would cause them to experience distress or unhappiness.

-May you be safe and protected: I need to make sure this person is safe and protected with me, both in my physical presence as well as in my thoughts and conversation. I must not do or say things that would put them at risk, even something as simple and yet profoundly damaging as speaking poorly of them to myself or to others.

-May you be at peace and May you be free from suffering: Again, I must be mindful in my interactions with and about this person, so that I do not destroy their peace or add to their suffering. I must be mindful so that I am aware of anything I personally can/should do (or should not do) to help secure their peace and lessen their suffering.

-May you be loved and be love: Everyone, regardless of their actions, has the absolute right to be loved. In the general sense, I must not deny or hinder or begrudge any being this right. In particular, I must be aware of and take every opportunity to show and express my love for this person, in thought, word, or deed. I must always remember that this person is and/or can be a powerful force for increasing love in the world, so my love for them is triply precious: 1. My love for them helps me grow; 2. My love for them helps them grow; 3. Their love helps the other beings grow.

Pure Heart and Real Intent
Of course, you can't control how other will react to you or your efforts, even if your intents are of the very best. But you do absolutely have to make sure that what you're doing is the best you can do, with your heart pure and with the right intentions. We are responsible for caring for each other. Being mindful of the Eightfold Path will be invaluable. I'll do a post on it soon, but for now, a bit about Right Speech will work as an example of a good guideline in interacting with and about others, with a view for increasing love and unity in ourselves and in the world:

1. Do I speak at the right time, or not?
2. Do I speak of facts, or not?
3. Do I speak gently or harshly?
4. Do I speak profitable words or not?
5. Do I speak with a kind heart, or inwardly malicious?

Or, THINK:
Is it:
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?

"What is so powerful about this ideal of friendship is the way it can reconcile the absolute and the personal. You can disagree about the choice of carpet color and remain friends. A Buddhist can be friends with a Christian without either trying to convert the other. In friendship differences can be respected and even enjoyed. In relationships lacking friendship, differences can zoom out of proportion and become ethnic, religious, or ideological divisions. We demonize the threatening other, project our shadow upon them, and find conflict. Friendship is the supreme expression of compassion and tolerance with respect for the primacy of truth over all subjective tendencies. But friendship reminds us that the objectivity of truth does not reject the subjective. It integrates the particular and the universal, achieving the coincidentia oppositorum, the reconciliation of opposites. Nicholas of Cusa, a fifteenth-century cardinal, statesman, mathematician, and mystic, said that God is found "beyond the coincidence of contradictories."

There is a simple test to determine whether one's pursuit of truth has lost contact with this touchstone of friendship. When we hear on the news that a Catholic person has been shot in Belfast, or an Israeli soldier has died on the West Bank, or so many Chinese baby girls have disappeared from an orphanage, or so many Tibetans have been killed--are we hearing a news item about individual people, or about ehtnic or religious groups? Do we perceive the murdered Israeli soldier or Palestinian demonstrator as a Jew or an Arab, or as a human being who happens to be a Jew or an Arab? How do the figures strike us--as individual tragedies or as statistics that are being used as political weapons?"

-page 9 of the introduction to The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus, by The Dalai Lama

The enemies such as hatred and craving
Have neither arms nor legs,
And are neither courageous nor wise;
How, then, have I been used like a slave by them?

For they dwell within my mind,
At their pleasure they cause me harm;
Yet I patiently endure them without anger.
But this is an inappropriate and shameful time for patience.
(Shantideva, The Boddhisatva Way of Life, 4:28-29)

Unhappiness is a conscious, pointless choice
"If maintaining a balanced and happy state of mind even in the face of adversity is a key factor in preventing hatred from arising, we still may wonder how to achieve it. Shantideva says that when you are faced with adverse circumstances, feeling unhappy serves no purpose in overcoming the undesirable situation. It is not only futile but will, in fact, only serve to aggravate your own anxiety and bring about an uncomfortable and dissatisfied state of mind. You lose all sense of composure and happiness. Anxiety and unhappiness gradually eat away inside you and affect your sleep patterns, your appetite, and your health as well. In fact, if the initial harm you experienced was inflicted by an enemy, your mental unhappiness may even become a source of delight for that person. Therefore, it is pointless to feel unhappy and dissatisfied when faced with adverse circumstances or, for that matter, to retaliate against whomever cause you harm." (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourtheen Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 80)

Smiling at Your Anger (a gatha by Thich Nhat Hanh):
Breathing in, I know that anger makes me ugly.
Breathing out, I do not want to be contorted by anger.
Breathing in, I know I must take care of myself.
Breathing out, I know loving kindness is the only answer.

I love the timeless quality of "I know that anger makes me ugly/I do not want to be contorted by anger." The contortion happens in the moment, and the contortion happens through chronic indulgence of anger. So, anger must be managed in both the moment and in the mindset/lifestyle/thought process.

Mindfulness and embracing negative thoughts and emotions
I've had great success dealing with unpleasant and negative thoughts and emotions by observing them mindfully. To be mindful is to be aware of what is going on, to observe without pursuing or rejecting. My most effective analogy I've discovered so far is mindfulness is like sitting on a park bench, watching people walk by. Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are those people. You sit and observe, without chasing anyone away, without chasing after anyone. This is how I practice mindfulness meditation, and this is my goal for living mindfully in the moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh (sorry, I didn't write it down so I don't have the citation, but it's in either Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers or Being Peace) gave me the key for dealing with negative thoughts and emotions: you have to be mindful about them and you have to embrace them. Not as in facing your anger and embracing by saying, "You're awesome! Come in and take over my mind and life!" But as in facing your anger and embracing by saying, "I recognize that you are here. That is fine. I recognize your presence, and I release you."
Whether you reject or pursue something, it is the same outcome. It is to have it control your mind and dictate your actions. So, if you ignore and reject your anger, the outcome is essentially the same as pursuing and indulging your anger. It is psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually damaging.
To acknowledge, mercifully embrace, and release something is to maintain your conscious thought, peace, mental stability, and personal agency. It is to nurture your mind and spirit.

It's kind of a surreal experience to mindfully acknowledge, embrace, and release negative thoughts and emotions. Every time I've been able to do it, I don't even need to consciously release them. As soon as I smile at them and embrace them, they vanish and I'm left with a steady sense of peace and wholeness. It's like they just need love to be transformed.

Come to think if it, isn't that true of everything?