I have a bunch of excellent passages that I want to record for future reference. No synthesis, sorry. They're just excellent to read through. First, Sylvia Boorstein, Pay Attention, For Goodness' Sake:

There are only two possible responses to every challenge--balanced acceptance or embittered resistance. Acceptance is freedom. Resistance is suffering.

"This is what's happening. It cannot be otherwise. Struggling is extra. Struggling is suffering."

     Everything is always changing, and so nothing can be permanently satisfying. And I absolutely know that railing and resenting when I am displeased with life's unfolding compounds my pain. Life unfolds lawfully, guided by conditions far too complex for me to know and certainly beyond my control.
     The pain we feel about what has happened intensifies with bitterness--which we often cannot help but feel--and we suffer. In a moment of Wisdom--"It is me. It is now. It is painful. And it will be painful for as long as it is, and then it will change"--the suffering stops. The heart's natural compassion becomes available to provide support, to comfort the pain.

Recounted from a friend, talking about his teacher, who greeted everyone with "Thank you":
"Renouncing contention was Lama Yeshe's practice. His thanking was a way of keeping himself from getting frightened. I completely got it, that things happen, that not everything is what you want, that some things you need to change, but that it's all part of life, and that it is manageable. Workable."

However amazing life is, it is full of pain. ... [N]ot resenting, not being in contention with circumstance, not adding extra suffering to pain, doesn't require all-out thanking. It only requires accepting. It requires being able to say, "This is what's true. Okay."

Forgiving is hard practice, too, but it's plausible. Reasonable.

Don't add rage to pain.

"What is the meaning of life?" does not solve the problem of "What should we do?" ... Ending suffering depends on seeing clearly, without bias, "It's like this," so the "What should we do?" question can answer itself.
Life is so difficult
How can we be anything but kind?

That's enough for now. I have more that I need to copy out of my current book, so I'm sure there will be at least one more entry on suffering.

"You may not feel that anger is a hindrance, so, as a start, it is useful to investigate whether anger is of value. Sometimes, when we are discouraged by a difficult situation, anger does seem helpful, appearing to bring with it more energy, confidence, and determination. In these moments, though, we much examine our mental state carefully. While it is true that anger brings extra energy, if we explore the nature of this energy, we discover that it is blind. We cannot be sure whether its result will be positive or negative. This is because anger eclipses the best part of our brain: its rationality. So the energy of anger is almost always unreliable. It can cause an immense amount of destructive, unfortunate behavior. Moreover, if anger increases to the extreme, one becomes a crazy person, acting in ways that are as damaging to oneself as they are to others.

It is possible, however, to develop an equally forceful but far more controlled energy with which to handle difficult situations. This controlled energy comes not only from a compassionate attitude, but also from reason and patience. These are the most powerful antidotes to anger. Unfortunately, many people misjudge reason and patience as signs of weakness. I believe the opposite to be true: that they are the true signs of inner strength. Compassion is by nature gently, peaceful, and soft, but it is also very powerful. It gives us inner strength and allows us to be patient. It is those who easily lose their patience who are insecure and unstable. Thus, to me, the arousal of anger is usually a direct sign of weakness.

So, when a problem arises, try to remain humble and maintain a sincere attitude and be concerned that the outcome will be fair. Of course, others may try to take advantage of your concern for fairness, and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression, adopt a strong stand. This should be done with compassion, however, and if it becomes necessary to express your views and take strong countermeasures, do so without anger or ill intent.

You should realize that even though your opponents appear to be harming you, in the end, their destructive activity will damage only themselves. In order to check your own selfish impulses to retaliate, you should recall your desire to practice compassion and assume responsibility for helping prevent the other person from suffering the consequences of their acts. If the measure you employ have been calmly chosen, they will be more effective, more accurate, and more forceful. Retaliation based on blind energy of anger seldom hits the target.

...

To eliminate the destructive potential of anger and hatred entirely, we need to recognize that the root of anger lies in the attitude that cherishes our own welfare and benefit while remaining oblivious to the well-being of others. This self-centered attitude underlies not only anger, but virtually all our states of mine. It is a deluded attitude, misperceiving the way things actually are, and this misperception is responsible for all the suffering and dissatisfaction of experience."

Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, pages 24-26 and 28-29.

Everyone, everyone has the right to be happy
Do you want to know something embarrassing? That makes me cringe when I think about it? It's that the following quote was the hardest thing for me to stomach about Buddhist philosophy thus far:

"Whether people are beautiful or plain, friendly or cruel, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and to be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others; you wish to help them actively overcome their problems. This wish is not selective; it applies equally to all beings. As long as they experience pleasure and pain just as you do, there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively." (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 22)

There have been people who have hurt me deeply. (Who hasn't? And then there are always public figures that you might hold a deep-seated antipathy for.) I could not bring myself to accept that they, who caused me such pain and misery, could have an equal desire, claim, and right to the happiness I imagine I do. How is that fair? Shouldn't they be miserable, because they made me miserable? Shouldn't they hurt, because they hurt me?

2 Nephi 2:27 (a scripture in the Book of Mormon) says that the devil "seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." And then there is of course the quote famously attributed to Gandhi: "An eye for an eye ends in making everyone blind." So, to harbor such deep-seated anger, bitterness, and resentment that I would deny the right or ability of anyone to be happy is ultimately, completely destructive and actually puts me right in cahoots with the devil himself.

Holy crap.

Ok, so that is the negative side of my breakthrough/acceptance of this idea. Now, another passage from the Dalai Lama, restating the positive side of subscribing to the idea of universal altruism and of seeing that we are all, essentially, exactly the same:

"We all share an identical need for love and on the basis of this commonality, it is possible to feel that anybody we meet, in whatever circumstances, is a brother or sister. No matter how new the face or how different the dress or behavior, there is no significant difference between us and other people. It is foolish to dwell on external differences because our basic natures are the same.
The benefits of transcending such superficial differences become clear when we look at our global situation. Ultimately humanity is one, and this small planet is our only home. If we are to protect this home of ours, each of us needs to experience a vivid sense of universal altruism and compassion. It is only this feeling that can remove the self-centered motives that cause people to deceive and misuse one another. If you have a sincere and open heart, you naturally feel self-worth and confidence, and there is no need to be fearful of others." (The Compassionate Life, 37-38)

To understand those who cause harm

There's also a passage in this same book that introduced to me a skillful way of thinking about/understanding people who cause you harm, a way clear of anger, hate, or bitterness, because you focus on the basic nature of the person, which is identical to yours:

"You can also reflect on how, if it is the essential nature of the person who is harming you to inflict harm on others, there is no point in being angry, since there would be nothing that you or that person could do to change their essential nature. If it were truly the person's nature to inflict harm, the person would simply be unable to act otherwise. As stated by Shantideva:

Even if it were the nature of the childish
To cause harm to other beings,
It would still be incorrect to be angry with them.
For this would be like begrudging fire for having the nature to burn (6:39)

On the other hand, if harming is not the person's essential nature, but instead their apparently harmful character is merely incidental and circumstantial, then there is still no need to feel angry toward that person since the problem is entirely due to certain immediate conditions and circumstances. For example, he may have lost his temper and acted badly, even though he did not really mean to hurt you. It is possible to think along these lines as well." (81-82)

Matthew 5:44, Jesus told us to "love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

The Buddha said, "Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is an eternal rule."

Lovingkindness: Loving self, neighbor, and God

So, universal altruism is not only necessary, it is absolutely possible. The metta, or lovingkindness, meditation goes like this: (I think ideally you're supposed to repeat it as you meditate...that's what I do, but I'm a newbie :) ):

May I be peaceful.
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be free from suffering.

May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be well.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings be free from suffering.

It's such a beautiful meditation. You start by nurturing and loving yourself, which can sometimes be as hard or harder than nurturing and loving others, but is just as essential. You cannot disregard your own right to peace, happiness, and well-being and expect to be able to nurture others. From there, from nurturing yourself, you expand and project lovingkindness to encompass all beings. It's deeply interconnecting.

This metta meditation is, to my Christian sensibilities, a beautiful application of the scripture from Luke 10:27: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all the heart, and with all thy soul, and will all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself." I love that self, neighbor, and God are all in the same verse/commandment. Because, when you think about it, when you "touch deeply" the nature of God, self, and neighbor, you see that we're all the same thing, really. If I understand correctly, this is what Thich Nhat Hanh calls "interbeing." He uses the analogy of water and waves: We're all waves, and at the same time we're all at our core the water that constitutes us. To love a wave is to love the water; to love the water is to love the wave. God is our basis of existence; God is the water. We and our neighbors are the waves. To love neighbor is to love God and self; to love God is to love neighbor and self; to love self (not in a corrupted, selfish way, but in the same nurturing way that you love God and neighbor) is to love God and neighbor. Because we're all the same stuff: We're all children of God, and as such, share Him as our foundation of being.

The enemies such as hatred and craving
Have neither arms nor legs,
And are neither courageous nor wise;
How, then, have I been used like a slave by them?

For they dwell within my mind,
At their pleasure they cause me harm;
Yet I patiently endure them without anger.
But this is an inappropriate and shameful time for patience.
(Shantideva, The Boddhisatva Way of Life, 4:28-29)

Unhappiness is a conscious, pointless choice
"If maintaining a balanced and happy state of mind even in the face of adversity is a key factor in preventing hatred from arising, we still may wonder how to achieve it. Shantideva says that when you are faced with adverse circumstances, feeling unhappy serves no purpose in overcoming the undesirable situation. It is not only futile but will, in fact, only serve to aggravate your own anxiety and bring about an uncomfortable and dissatisfied state of mind. You lose all sense of composure and happiness. Anxiety and unhappiness gradually eat away inside you and affect your sleep patterns, your appetite, and your health as well. In fact, if the initial harm you experienced was inflicted by an enemy, your mental unhappiness may even become a source of delight for that person. Therefore, it is pointless to feel unhappy and dissatisfied when faced with adverse circumstances or, for that matter, to retaliate against whomever cause you harm." (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourtheen Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 80)

Smiling at Your Anger (a gatha by Thich Nhat Hanh):
Breathing in, I know that anger makes me ugly.
Breathing out, I do not want to be contorted by anger.
Breathing in, I know I must take care of myself.
Breathing out, I know loving kindness is the only answer.

I love the timeless quality of "I know that anger makes me ugly/I do not want to be contorted by anger." The contortion happens in the moment, and the contortion happens through chronic indulgence of anger. So, anger must be managed in both the moment and in the mindset/lifestyle/thought process.

Mindfulness and embracing negative thoughts and emotions
I've had great success dealing with unpleasant and negative thoughts and emotions by observing them mindfully. To be mindful is to be aware of what is going on, to observe without pursuing or rejecting. My most effective analogy I've discovered so far is mindfulness is like sitting on a park bench, watching people walk by. Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are those people. You sit and observe, without chasing anyone away, without chasing after anyone. This is how I practice mindfulness meditation, and this is my goal for living mindfully in the moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh (sorry, I didn't write it down so I don't have the citation, but it's in either Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers or Being Peace) gave me the key for dealing with negative thoughts and emotions: you have to be mindful about them and you have to embrace them. Not as in facing your anger and embracing by saying, "You're awesome! Come in and take over my mind and life!" But as in facing your anger and embracing by saying, "I recognize that you are here. That is fine. I recognize your presence, and I release you."
Whether you reject or pursue something, it is the same outcome. It is to have it control your mind and dictate your actions. So, if you ignore and reject your anger, the outcome is essentially the same as pursuing and indulging your anger. It is psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually damaging.
To acknowledge, mercifully embrace, and release something is to maintain your conscious thought, peace, mental stability, and personal agency. It is to nurture your mind and spirit.

It's kind of a surreal experience to mindfully acknowledge, embrace, and release negative thoughts and emotions. Every time I've been able to do it, I don't even need to consciously release them. As soon as I smile at them and embrace them, they vanish and I'm left with a steady sense of peace and wholeness. It's like they just need love to be transformed.

Come to think if it, isn't that true of everything?

"The time has come to put more emphasis on unity. Here again there must be human affection and patient analysis grounded in compassion.
For example, you may have a different ideological or religious opinion from someone else. If you respect the other person's rights and sincerely show a compassionate attitude toward that person, then it does not matter whether their idea is suitable for you; that is secondary. As long as the other person believes in it and derives some benefits from such a viewpoint, it is his or her absolute right. So we must respect that and accept the fact that different viewpoints exist" (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 42-43).

"One of the best human qualities is our intelligence, which enables us to judge what is wholesome and what is unwholesome, what is beneficial and what is harmful. Negative thoughts, such as anger and strong attachment, destroy this special human quality; this is indeed very sad. When anger or attachment dominates the mind, a person becomes almost crazed, and I am certain that nobody wishes to be crazy. Under the power of anger or attachment we commit all kinds of harmful acts--often having far-reaching and destructive consequences. A person gripped by such states of mind and emotion is like a blind person, who cannot see where he is going. Yet we neglect to challenge these negative thoughts and emotions that lead us nearly to insanity. On the contrary, we often nurture and reinforce them! By doing this we are, in fact, making ourselves prey to their destructive power. When you reflect along these lines, you will realize that our true enemy is not outside ourselves" (Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life, 42-43).