This is a sort of continuation on the last entry, The Zen of Disease, but mostly an insight I had just now in meditation. Let me set the scene (you'll get the pun in a second):
I just got a lead role in one of our local theatre's shows, The Three Musketeers by Ken Ludwig. I have an amazing part (Sabine!). I'm so stoked to do it, I can't even tell you. Auditioning was a huge obstacle and personal triumph for me (and I had so much fun, that was miraculous), and then I actually got a part. I haven't done any kind of drama since high school (mmmm, 8-10 years ago) and even then it wasn't at this level, so I'm rusty and I've never done this before. I was feeling lost and totally inadequate. And rehearsals just started yesterday. Oh, and I lost my voice yesterday, which I think is the major cause of my current malaise. So, voiceless, I was feeling even smaller, lost-er, and pretty darn disabled (which is saying a lot, considering I have scars in my brain, ya dig?) because I can't even say my lines while I'm trying to keep straight with stage right and stage left (it's really not that hard, there's just a lot going on).
Aaaaanyways...I was feeling really frustrated, angry, and depressed. (You try taking care of a 3.5 year old and 18 month old all day long by yourself without being able to talk. Oh, and then the 3.5 year old goes and hides at JCPenney and you're running everywhere huffing his name and trying to ask people if they've seen him and no one can understand a freaking word you're saying, even though you're yelling at the top of your lungs...but I digress. Oh, second digression: being voiceless has always been the major theme of my worst nightmares. That and cockroaches.) Anyway, I thought, "How lame. Yeah, not having a voice sucks, but I know about impermanence. It won't last forever. I just am really angry with my body for not being well and functional." And then I remembered I just wrote that post about finding joy even when your body sucks. So I knew I'd lost my zen. I went and meditated on impermanence and equanimity. Here's the article I read before meditating, it is perfection: Equanimity and Mindfulness. You really should read the whole thing, it's not that long, but the basic point is to learn how to recognize, observe, and detach yourself from painful, negative emotions. You don't have to change or eliminate them, because that's impossible. They'll always be there. But you can look at them like cars in an endless stream of traffic and simply acknowledge them without climbing into them or slashing their tires, or busting out their windows, or keying them, or trying to set them on fire. Fighting against what is happening to you is what brings suffering. Acknowledging with gentleness allows the transitory emotion or thought to pass peacefully.
So I gave myself a little love: I gave all of my emotions hugs and let them go on their way. (Yes, I realize that makes me sound neurotic, but it's a basic mindfulness tenet. Don't knock it til you try it ;) ) Then I turned to my vocal chords and my body in general and showed them some lovingkindness. I mean, my poor body, to be so screwed up and then have me hating on it for not being perfect. Getting mad at it isn't going to fix it. That's hard on my body and makes me miserable. The best way to do it is to show patience and gentleness and compassion for my body. Positive feelings and improved health are a beautiful cycle. And if I'm not being so pissed off at my body, I can obviously, actually relax, accept, and be happy. (Well, relax as much as I can while I'm kind of worried I might lose my part if I don't heal fast. I'm drinking licorice tea with honey and sucking garlic like a fiend over here.)
Then I started to close my meditation with my lovingkindness verse:
"May I be happy."
And then I stopped. I do want to be happy. Everyone does. And, just like being pissed off at my body, being all stressed out and hard on myself at rehearsals does not make me happy. I had the insight that I need to practice mindfulness, to recognize, observe, and appreciate each moment. Because that's how you're happy: when you realize that the moment that you're in is essentially your entire life (because, remember, the current moment is the only one in which you can act), and when you want to be happy, you'll focus on what to do in that moment that will make you happy. I absolutely want to be at rehearsals. I absolutely want to work hard and do an amazing show. It's my longest life-long dream. If live that desire for happiness moment by moment, focusing on the present moment and realizing how much there is to be happy about, I will be. So, may I be happy :)
Labels: acceptance, compassion, equanimity, happiness, impermanence, insight, lovingkindess, meditation, mindfulness, suffering
A Relief Society lesson in which I shared my meditation practice
0 comments Posted by weaselby at 1:49 PM"We are of the same Father in the celestial worlds. ... If we knew each other as we should,...our sympathies would be excited more than they are at the present time, and there would be a desire on the part of every individual to study in their own minds how they might do their brethren good, how they might alleviate their sorrows and build them up in truth, how [they might] remove the darkness from their minds. If we understand each other and the real relationship which we hold to each other, we should feel different from what we do; but this knowledge can be obtained only as we obtain the Spirit of life, and as we are desirous of building each other up in righteousness."
I know it's popular and makes sense to "look out for #1, because no one else is going to," but imagine if everyone practiced the above, to do for others more than they expect to be done for themselves. Everyone would be amply cared for. I know it sounds naive and utopianistic, but it's beautiful and is possible. It's just that everyone has to do it. And the only person you can personally ensure does this is you. There's that quote attributed to Gandhi, "be the change you wish to see in the world." Love it. But in the interest of accuracy, since that's not exactly what Gandhi said, here's the closest actual attributed quote:
And, with that very eloquent segue, here is an excerpt from Shantideva's The Way of the Bodhisattva (Padmakara Translation Group edition). It's from the chapter "Taking Hold of Bodhichitta" ("bodhichitta" being "enlightenment mind," the mind that strives toward awakening and compassion for the benefit of all sentient beings):
Labels: friendship, God, happiness, harmony, kindness, love, lovingkindess, meditation, universal altruism
Houston traffic is awful. Rush hour on the major roads starts at 3 pm and starts to dwindle around 7 pm. About 82% of drivers refuse to use blinkers for turning or for land changes. (An additional 3% keep their blinkers on inappropriately.) My husband has been hit 3 times in 3 years by people not signalling and just merging into him in his lane. There is a theory that people don't use blinkers because if you do, the drivers around you know that you're trying to get into their lane, so they'll speed up to squeeze you out. Oh, they definitely do that.
I can be one of the best rude drivers in the world. I'd get all jumped up on righteous indignation when people speed up a lane that has been marked as ending for miles, only to dart into the line of people who responsibly merged in advance of the lane ending. I'd squeeze them out and get all angry if they managed to get in front of me.
Then I read something in one of my early Buddhist books (can't remember which one :( ) about driving, about seeing interdependence and unity even in traffic. It changed my life. On the road, we all have a destination to reach. We all want to get there safely (apparent contradicting driving behavior aside, most people do want to reach their destination in a timely fashion and, oh, alive).
So, I practice compassion, patience, and unity while driving. It's my driving meditation. That truck needs to get into my lane because we are going in the same direction. We are doing the same thing. We are both people in cars who have the right to get where we're going. Why in the world did I used to pride myself on making things more difficult for people?
I now drive mindfully of those around me and do whatever I can to accommodate them on the road. It eliminates the stress and anger in my mind and body, which has a great impact on the small people riding in the backseat :) I also like to think that helping people on their way might lessen their stress in turn, and maybe even if someone notices my driving style, they might be inspired to copy it. And thus the ripples spread. :)
Not only can you use driving as an opportunity to connect with other people, you can use driving to connect with creation on a broader basis. Give it a try the next time you're in a traffic jam, not moving and powerless to improve the situation. This is a passage from Sylvia Boorstein's book, Pay Attention, for Goodness' Sake. It's from a California driving instructor, so he's kind of an expert at driving, you know? ;)
This was my revelation: “I'll get to Antioch when I get to Antioch. Maybe today. Maybe not today. Maybe I'll be there for the meeting. Maybe I won't be there for the meeting. Whatever will be will be. My getting aggravated is not changing the situation. It is making it worse.”
Sylvia Boorstein, Pay Attention, For Goodness' Sake, 178-180
Labels: meditation
If you, in reading this, feel it is too "hippie-dippie" for your sensibilities, that's fine. But at least seriously stop and think how different the world would be if people actually were at peace and loved each other. If there were more unity and less judging, fighting, and isolation.
I feel, in a very personal and urgent and growing way, that there is a great need for love and unity everywhere: in my own life, how I handle interactions with myself and others; in interactions between people; between governments and their people, as well as between the people in government, and between those who support different movements or ideas in government; between nations; between different faiths and religious traditions, as well as between people in the same faith or religion; between different nationalities, ethnicities, social classes, sexual orientations; between people with different ideologies, aspirations, and goals... Everywhere.
How Lovingkindness Works to Re-wire Your Brain
I've been incorporating lovingkindness in my daily meditation. The idea is that you start by offering lovingkindness to yourself and wishing yourself well, then you offer lovingkindness to others and wish them well, then you offer lovingkindness to all beings and wish them well. It's really quite beautiful: if you wish to see more peace and love in the world, you have to become peace and love yourself. Then already the world has more peace and love. (For more thorough and eloquent treatment, check out Thich Nhat Hanh's Being Peace.) Then you spread the love and peace to others through cultivating lovingkindness in meditation, which increases the capacity in that part of your brain so that you actually re-wire your brain so that you see and act more in accordance with the good intentions, thoughts, and feelings you meditate on. Your interactions with and intentions towards others change. (Do a bit of Googling on how meditation can re-wire your brain; it's scientifically sound. And amazing. Basically, where you focus the most, your brain grows. So, if you focus on angry stuff, the amygdala, the anger center of your brain, will actually grow, making anger more prevalent in your life. So, really, your thoughts do end up controlling your destiny. Thanks, Lao Tzu and/or Ghandi.)
The Meditation
So, I've been doing lovingkindness meditation, again, where you start with yourself, move to others, and move to all beings. My current mantra has been roughly this, varying a bit based on what I'd like to focus on that day:
May I be happy.
May I be safe and protected.
May I be at peace.
May I be free from suffering.*
May I be loved and be love.*
May you be happy.
May you be safe and protected.
May you be at peace.
May you be free from suffering.
May you be loved and be love.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be safe and protected.
May all beings be at peace.
May all beings be free from suffering.
May all beings be loved and be love.
*suffering: I use it in the sense of any kind of stress or pain, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc.
*be loved and be love: Everyone has the right to be loved. I like the poetic twist of being both the receptacle and the sender of love. If everyone were loved and love, the world would be ruled by perfect love. God, however you personally see or know God, would be everywhere.
When I really nail it, when I focus on what I'm saying and what it means and the reality that would go with it, it is an incredible spiritual experience. God is there when I'm doing this right.
Applied Action
As I was doing my meditation today, I was focusing my "may you" section on one particular person. It felt so good to focus on their suffering being gone, their happiness full, on them being loved and being love. This person has gone through a lot of pretty terrible things and has suffered a lot. I felt God with me as I wished them happy and well.
But then I thought, "Ok, this is great. I'm developing my brain in positive ways, coming closer to God, and cultivating love and compassion for this person. And then what? I'll end my meditation, get up, think well on this person and wish them well. Cool. But naturally and without question, there also needs to be a concrete course of action on my part to help realize all these things for this person."
So here's what I've come up with so far, what I can do to help make my meditation a reality. It applies to specific people you meditate on, as well as "all beings." So, really, this stuff should be applied to absolutely everyone, although for simplicity's sake, I write from the angle of applying it to one particular person:
-May you be happy: In my interactions with this person, I must make sure to keep their welfare forefront in my mind and say and do things that will uplift and nurture them, so as to provide the positive space for their happiness to develop. I must avoid saying or doing things, to the best of my ability, that would cause them to experience distress or unhappiness.
-May you be safe and protected: I need to make sure this person is safe and protected with me, both in my physical presence as well as in my thoughts and conversation. I must not do or say things that would put them at risk, even something as simple and yet profoundly damaging as speaking poorly of them to myself or to others.
-May you be at peace and May you be free from suffering: Again, I must be mindful in my interactions with and about this person, so that I do not destroy their peace or add to their suffering. I must be mindful so that I am aware of anything I personally can/should do (or should not do) to help secure their peace and lessen their suffering.
-May you be loved and be love: Everyone, regardless of their actions, has the absolute right to be loved. In the general sense, I must not deny or hinder or begrudge any being this right. In particular, I must be aware of and take every opportunity to show and express my love for this person, in thought, word, or deed. I must always remember that this person is and/or can be a powerful force for increasing love in the world, so my love for them is triply precious: 1. My love for them helps me grow; 2. My love for them helps them grow; 3. Their love helps the other beings grow.
Pure Heart and Real Intent
Of course, you can't control how other will react to you or your efforts, even if your intents are of the very best. But you do absolutely have to make sure that what you're doing is the best you can do, with your heart pure and with the right intentions. We are responsible for caring for each other. Being mindful of the Eightfold Path will be invaluable. I'll do a post on it soon, but for now, a bit about Right Speech will work as an example of a good guideline in interacting with and about others, with a view for increasing love and unity in ourselves and in the world:
1. Do I speak at the right time, or not?
2. Do I speak of facts, or not?
3. Do I speak gently or harshly?
4. Do I speak profitable words or not?
5. Do I speak with a kind heart, or inwardly malicious?
Or, THINK:
Is it:
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?
Labels: compassion, happiness, love, lovingkindness, meditation, mindfulness, Right Speech, unity
"Insight is an experience of the truth that cannot be simply given to another person in the way that one may communicate ideas or beliefs/ Insight is spontaneous and has the nature of a gift. It is surprising when it comes and yet obvious. It is joyful yet calm. The mastic tradition practices a form of spiritual reading (lecto divina as Saint Benedict called it), which is not the same as study or analytic reading and which is dedicated to the progressive awakening of insight in the practitioner. Like the Jewish tradition of reading the Bible, quality is preferred to quantity, depth to breadth. Reading in this way, one chooses a short passage and then continues to ruminate or "chew" over it. You go back over it many times, homing in more and more until you are left with a single word or short phrase, simultaneously arresting and awakening the mind to meaning. In this way, as the mind is stilled, one is brought to the threshold of meditation.
How to Read the Word
Origen, a third-century Christian teacher in the Alexandrian school of Christian philosophy, was the first to systematically describe the art of reading and interpreting Scripture as well as the first to describe how the mind's encounter with the Scriptures lifts the mind above itself. He identified the different levels of meaning (an exercise that was anathema to fundamentalists then as it is now) waiting to be experienced in the Scriptures.
He saw the reading of Holy Scriptures as a process of deepening consciousness and insight. The process begins with the literal meaning of the text, a meaning that requires both a sense of grammar and of history. But, beyond the "letter that killeth," which goes no further than its surface meaning, Origen pushed on toward the level of moral meaning. This level is reached by seeing the stories and characters of Scripture as "types" or symbols that teach us lessons within the context of our personal or social circumstances. The, Origen said, the "allegorical" or mystical meaning waits to be discovered as we are lifted above ourselves and absorbed into the Logos itself [Logos is the Spirit of Christ]. A good example of how this process works can be seen by exploring the different levels of meaning in the Bible term "Jerusalem": the word, the place, and the symbol. Jerusalem has a literal historical meaning. As the center of sacred presence and worship for three religions, it symbolizes the spiritual realities of the pilgrimage of our lives. As the "heavenly Jerusalem" it represents the goal of the spiritual journey."
-page 26-27 of the introduction to the Dalai Lama's The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus. The intro was written by Laurence Freeman, OSB.
Labels: insight, meditation, scriptures